So I thought it was about time to update this damn thing. Unfortunately, I'm not in a very happy space so I can't say this will be enjoyable for anyone who decides to read it. How is it possible to truly be happy if your heart is broken? I've had a broken heart for a long time now. I've kind of become used to living with it and the pain that comes along with it sometimes fades for awhile. But once again the pain of having a heart in about a million pieces rears its ugly head and here I am all hurt and sad with the sting of tears on my cheeks. Why am I so hurt and sad? It's because I can't have what I want. More specifically I can't have who I want. How is it possible for me to feel the things I feel when I'm with him but for him to not feel it? It's strange that I feel it so strongly and yet he feels nothing. It's enough to make me not trust the way I feel. In an attempt to protect myself and to get over him I surround myself with people(mainly men) who I have no interest in. I try so hard to distract myself from my feelings but no matter what it's always there. It always goes back to him.

There have been lots of positive things happening for me lately. I started taking classes to become a medical assistant. I'm on the Dean's List. I'm hoping to end up graduating with high honors. I have a long time to go but it's nice to think about how it will feel to do so well. I've made some new friends. All in all my day to day life is pretty good. My brother is home now and he has a baby girl who is the most beautiful little angel I've ever seen. I joined the gym and I really like it.

All these things are great. So why can't I be happy? The good news is that I tend to get artistically inspired when I'm in pain. There are lots of ideas begining to form in this head of mine. Hopefully I can make them into some really special photographs. I guess thats all for now.


Karen Mae